


Kotoba yori taisetsu na mono (Something more important than words)

by vogue91



Category: Hey! Say! JUMP, Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: Break Up, Confrontations, Hurt, Lies, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-03
Updated: 2018-05-03
Packaged: 2019-05-01 15:12:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14523369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vogue91/pseuds/vogue91
Summary: “What did you tell me?” he younger interrupted him. “Oh, right. You’ve told me that it’s just sex with Yuya, that it means nothing, that you’re going to break up with him and then we’ll be able to be together. Yes, Hikka, I know your speech by heart."





	Kotoba yori taisetsu na mono (Something more important than words)

Hikaru stared at Yuto, from the other end of the table.

The younger was sipping coffee, his eyes on the mug, never raising them on him.

Yaotome sighed, crossing his arms and falling back against the chair, slightly bothered by Nakajima’s behaviour.

“Yutti?” he called him, expecting at least that the other would’ve looked at him.

“What?” the other replied, his eyes still on the coffee.

Hikaru bit his lip, ignoring the tone the younger had used.

“I just want to know what’s wrong, Yuto. We’ve done nothing but fight for days, and whenever I ask you what’s wrong you tell me that everything’s alright, that you’re fine and that there’s no issue, then you wallow with a depressed look that...” he sighed. “That doesn’t look like you. And I don’t love it.” he said, shrugging.

Nakajima raised an eyebrow, deliberately looking sarcastic, then finally he raised his head to look at him.

“Do you really not know what’s wrong, Hikka?” he said, calm. “You can’t be serious.” he added, shaking his head incredulous.

The elder started torturing his lower lip with his nail, thoughtful.

He was right; he wasn’t one hundred percent sure, but he could’ve imagined perfectly what was wrong.

He didn’t like to think about it, didn’t like to talk about it, but he couldn’t even ignore it, not anymore.

“Yu, I’ve told you dozens of times that...”

“What did you tell me?” he younger interrupted him. “Oh, right. You’ve told me that it’s just sex with Yuya, that it means nothing, that you’re going to break up with him and then we’ll be able to be together. Yes, Hikka, I know your speech by heart. How could I not, you’ve said the same things to me over and over again.” he said, crossing his arms, frowning. “But we’re still here, aren’t we?” he asked then, and Yaotome shifted his weight on the chair, uncomfortable.

What should he have said, after all?

He wouldn’t have dared to tell him he was wrong, that he was delusional, that things between them were peachy, and say once more that he was going to break up with Yuya soon, because he realized it would’ve sounded like a joke now.

“You’re right.” he murmured, his eyes low on the table. “You’re right, Yuto, but try to understand me when I tell you it’s not easy. I...”

“Do you feel something for Yuya?” the other asked, straightforward. “And tell me the truth, please, because if we’re in this is because of your secrets and your silence, Hikaru. Because you’ve never been clear with me, nor you’ve been with Yuya, I don’t...” he sighed, suddenly feeling uncomfortable. “You know how I feel. But I’m not willing to spend the eternity waiting for you, while you keep promising something that is never going to happen.” he said, shrugging.

Yaotome kept quiet, even though he realized how wrong it was at this point.

He had no certainty to offer him.

When he had started sleeping with Yuya, he had done so thinking they were just friends, that they could’ve enjoyed some time together, and that he wasn’t going to feel anything more for him.

When he had started seeing Yuto instead, he had taken it from the complete opposite point; he thought he loved him, even though he had never told him that, not even when the younger did.

He thought he loved him, but somehow he couldn’t end things with Yuya.

“I don’t have an answer for you, Yuto.” he murmured, ashamed. “I can’t tell you if I’m going to be back home tonight, call Yuya and tell him it’s over, because I don’t know if...”

“If you really want to do it.” Nakajima finished his sentence for him.

He drank the last sip of coffee, getting up and bringing his hands to his face, as if he was tired all of a sudden.

Hikaru went to stand next to him, walking slowly, as if he was afraid of his reaction.

“I wish I could promise you something more.” he said, clawing the palms of his hands, not missing one of the younger’s expressions, trying to understand what he was thinking.

“It’s not like I want much more, Hikka. I... I just wished you’d have been clear from the start, that you’d have told him how things really were between us. Because it’s been useless to lie to me up to this point, isn’t it? You should’ve told me you felt nothing for me, and you’ve gotten the chance every damn time I’ve told you I loved you.” he hissed, his breath too fast and his face red. “I wish you hadn’t let me believe the wrong thing.”

Hikaru panicked, as if he had understood only know where the conversation was headed.

“I didn’t let you believe the wrong thing, Yutti. I lo...”

“Don’t say it!”

Nakajima voice was suddenly loud, and he barely stopped him on time; the elder knew then, there was nothing left to do.

“Don’t say you love me. Don’t hurt me more than you’ve already done.” he murmured then, more at ease, almost resigned.

Hikaru nodded slowly, and then watched him leave, without saying another word.

He wished he could’ve stopped him, telling him that those words actually meant something for him, but he didn’t know whether it would’ve been a lie or not.

Had he said that at any other time, under any other circumstance, things would’ve been different; but he had lost his chance, and now whatever he could’ve told him would’ve sounded fake, and he wasn’t going to let Yuto hate him more than he already did.

Time had stolen from him all those untold things, and that ‘I love you’ that perhaps wasn’t even true was never coming back to him, not now that Yuto had grown tired of waiting.

Hikaru felt like he had lost everything, all of a sudden.

Thinking about Yuya didn’t make him feel better, despite everything.

Having lost Yuto, after all, wasn’t curable with any of the things he still owned.


End file.
